Insert Mr. Yuck Face here

I feel so grossdisgustingfatwalruslikecelluliteriddenflabbyslobishwhalelikesasquatches person that ever walked the face of the planet.  My face feels puffy and blotchy and hairy.  I am not happy with how my hair looks.  My eye lashes are wonky and need attention.  My clothing feels tight and vice like.  I just want to scream UGH as loud as possible with my head thrown back and tears spurting from my eyes. Maybe snot running out of my nose and some drool leaking from the side of my mouth, just to get the proper reaction out of anyone that happens to be paying attention to me. 

Why the hell do I still get out of the shower and stay naked to dry my hair and do my morning routine?  Brushing your teeth naked is not attractive, at least not from my vantage point.  Why do I want to feel the swaying of saggy boobs, bat wing arms flapping and slapping against my sides.  And one thing I do NOT want to do is look at my naked profile.  Holy fuck.  Is that ever a nasty thing to behold?!  How, why did I get back to this point?  GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. 

I started listening to a podcast that I am in love with.  It’s not overdone on the positivity and has just enough real-life stories from the host and guests to keep topics relatable.  I want to try to speak positively about myself to myself.  I just can’t.  I have tried and it feels like a lie. I step on the scale and congratulate myself on being a fat ass and a complete disappointment to myself and people that care about me.  And who would EVER want to see this beast of a body on top or under them?  There is NOTHING even close to being physically exciting about me.  Nothing.  I should have a warning label, “Must watch porn before entering” or maybe “Close your eyes, it will be over soon if you are lucky”.  I could probably have the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica inscribed on my body and still have room for War and Peace. 

The podcast also suggests high fiving yourself in the mirror at some point during your morning routine.  A high five is perceived as a positive action and doing so to yourself in the mirror will make you feel better.  You are just supposed to start with the high five until it becomes part of your routine and after it does think of or say something positive about yourself.  I can’t even get the high five part done without mentally slamming myself. 

I think that’s all for now……….