Everyone likes games, right? Play the what if game with me. It’s a game my mind likes to play at 2AM when I need sleep. A game that I play as I cry in the shower. A game that makes my heart race and my blood pressure rise. A game that I play everyday, whether I want to or not.
What if – my girl tells me she’s going to point A (a friends) but really goes to point D (drippy dick)? And I have no idea where she is or how to help her if she gets in trouble.
What if – I tell my girl that I feel very little joy in my life, and her disorder is to blame?
What if – I tell my girl I can’t stand being in the house with her?
What if – I tell my girl I feel I am walking on eggshells all the time?
What if – I tell my girl I want my life back?
What if – I tell my girl I’m allowed to feel happy, sometimes?
What if – I tell my girl that my world has to stop revolving around her?
What if – I tell my girl I am becoming sad and depressed, too?
What if – I tell my girl I am not looking forward to a week vacation with her along?
What if – my girl keeps lying?
What if – my girl never knows happiness in her life?
What if – the drug of choice gets stronger and scarier?
What if – I tell my girl she has to decide if she is living here or with drippy?
What if – my girl decides to live with drippy and gets beat, again?
What if – my girl doesn’t go to therapy tomorrow (for the third time in a row)?
What if – my girl continues to cut her arms and now her thighs?
What if – one of those cuts hits just the right spot?
What if – things never change?
What if – I finally unload all this on my girl and all my feelings and thoughts come pouring out of my mouth and I can’t stop them?
What if – my honesty pushes my girl over the edge?
What if – my girl can’t handle my truth?
What if – those are the last words I ever get to say to my girl?
What if, what if, what if, what if?
What if is a fucked up game to play.