I will make this disclaimer on any and all posts titled Self. I do not know many of my followers personally, but I do know some. And all of the followers I know are from different realms of my life. If you feel you may be uncomfortable reading personal stuff – STOP HERE. If not – let’s go.
I feel like talking about personal relationships, like very personal relationships. There might be sex talk. Correct that, there will be sex talk. So be warned.
I am currently 50. My significant other is 51. We have been together since 1987. That’s a loooooooooooong time. We have been married 29 years. As with everything in life, relationships change with time. And I think that’s supposed to happen and it should happen.
We basically grew up together. We learned from each other, we hurt each other, we grew apart, we grew stronger, we learned what buttons to push and when to stop pushing those buttons! We had loved ones pass and shared the miracle of child birth. We have shared life’s triumphs and life’s failures. And we continue to love each other.
It’s a love that changes and grows with us. One day it’s the rush I feel when he walks out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. One day it’s the feeling of wanting to throat punch him because I’m tripping over him while I’m trying to make dinner! And it’s all those feelings in-between.
So, I will admit that it has been way too long since we have….you know. I don’t know about you, but there are so many words and ways to describe “it”. In my humble opinion, being intimate doesn’t always have to be about sex. There are so many different facets to both intimacy and sex.
The intimate side of the relationship is a feeling for me. It can be his hand on the small of my back. It can be a look that makes me feel desired. It can be a kiss that makes me warm in all the right places. It can be his arm draped over my hip when we are laying in bed.
Now, the sex part – there are just so many directions I could take on this topic. I think that in any adult relationship there various types of……….you know. We can have sex. To me, that is when we are both into it, let’s go, and we go from point a to point z. We might skip some points, but we are both getting what we need. We can fuck. That would be the wham, bam, thank you ma’ma. That might be one of of us just needs that release – NOW, and the other is more than happy to oblige! It’s really a win/win for both participants, again, in my opinion. Who doesn’t want to have their lover look at them with that wild desire?! And last but not least, we can make love. That slow, touching, feeling, tasting, licking, love making. We pick the pace, we pick the way, we are one. It’s like I can’t get close enough to him. I need to find a way to crawl inside of him to get just a little closer. It’s languishing in the afterglow. It’s complete togetherness.
Let’s not forget about self-love. Why this is a taboo topic for so many people I don’t understand. Who knows you better than you? Who doesn’t occasionally need the release without all the extras? It is okay to say the word – masturbation. It’s not a bad word! Now, I will say that solo play should not take the place of or have a negative impact on your relationship togetherness. I mean, if you are having alone time multiple times a day and there is nothing left for your partner – that’s not cool. And don’t pretend it doesn’t happen! What is hotter than (again, in my opinion) hearing from someone that they were thinking about you and just couldn’t help but touch themselves?!
And yes, I know there is much more to a happy, healthy sexual relationship. I think I could honestly write page, after page, after page on the topic. It’s something I enjoy doing, as much as talking about it and writing about it. I have written many stories for my significant other. And I will tell you, they are damn good. However, here is where I ALWAYS fuck up my mind regarding sexy time. Try not to get lost in my mind on this one! I wish you all the best.
Let’s take last night, for example. I have been feeling particularly amorous recently. As I stated before, we have had a bit of a dry spell. It’s no one’s fault, there is no blame – it’s just life. Anyway, in my mind I create this scenario of what/how I would like to seduce him. Who doesn’t want it to be like a movie scene, what could go wrong (LOL)?! Last night was just one of those nights where I felt like I needed a shower before bed. I know TMI! But, it gave me a great scenario in my mind. So I shower, smell nice and I am squeaky clean. I didn’t dry my hair, I let it wet, and sexy in my mind. I put on a men’s v-neck white undershirt and nothing else. That would certainly get him! In my mind it played out like a soft porn. In reality I looked like a wet manatee in a white undershirt. And nothing happened. Which is okay.
I keep overthinking this and trying to delve into why things aren’t happening. This is where my self-doubt enters. It has to be me. I’m not appealing to him anymore. I am too fat for him to want me. I am too ugly for him to want me. My super short haircut makes me look like a she-man. (This is no joke – prior to my shoulder surgery I had my hair cut very short, like basically buzzed short. I needed it to be something easy. I have always had short hair, but not this short. Negative comments from people made me so self-conscious that I paid to have eyelash extensions put on the week after my surgery so I would look more feminine. The joke is, I had more positive comments than negative) And then my favorite go to thought is that he found someone else.
Am I seriously the only person who undermines their own sex life?