I will call it my fat suit. It is exactly what it sounds like. About 10 years ago I thought I had rid myself of my fat suit. I was wrong.
Those of you that have read my previous posts know I had gastric bypass surgery. You know I have struggled with weight from my teenage years through adulthood. I thought I ended the cycle. I was wrong.
I used my fat suit over the years to protect me. If I was fat and unappealing, the harassment I endured would stop. If I was fat, people wouldn’t expect anything from me. If I was fat, it was fine to be average – even below average. If I was fat, I wouldn’t get hurt. No one really loves a fat girl. No one really wants to be in a relationship with a fat girl. And anyone that says they do love the fat girl or do want a relationship with the fat girl is just trying to make the fat girl feel good. They don’t mean what they say, they are just trying not to hurt the fat girls feelings.
My fat suit allowed me to not feel. My fat suit allowed me to make excuses. My fat suit kept me safe from heartache and pain. My fat suit insulated me against the big bad world.
I thought I would never go back to my fat suit. I was wrong
I thought I would never need my fat suit again. I was wrong.
I thought it was okay to open up and feel love without the fat suit. I was wrong.
My fat suit is returning pound by pound. It will protect me from the hurt. It will insulate me from the pain of him not loving me anymore.
I thought I didn’t need my fat suit. I was wrong.