Tornado Warning

There is a tornado warning today.

I want to find that tornado.

I want to run to that tornado and jump in head first.

I want to flail and rage and scream and cry while the winds whip around me. Let it do what it will to me.

I need to feel battered and bruised. I yearn for the physical pain to match the emotional pain.

I want to dance against the vortex until there is nothing left in me.

Let me float lifelessly in the fatal winds.

As the winds tire from carrying me, let it toss me into the calm, lifeless center.

Will there be peace there? Can I rest there forever? Can I live there forever?

I am my own tornado.

I will not let you see my vortex or feel my vortex. That is only for me to feel.

I created the turbulence I live in every day. Me. I did that. I own that. That is my burden to bare.

You will live in my calm lifeless center where you will feel safe. Where I can convince you and the world that all is well.

There is a tornado warning today.

I am that tornado.