Isn’t it amazing the front we, meaning strong women, put on every single day? I do my hair, make-up, spend way too long picking out an outfit that hopefully won’t show my back bulge or the cellulite on my ass and thighs. When I leave the house I feel fairly confident I don’t look like a troll. There are certain days I might even feel good about my overall appearance. And then it happens. I see someone who has better hair, better make-up, no bulges, no cellulite and my mind starts comparing – EVERYTHING. Am I the only one? I start with trying to convince myself that I could look like that if I wanted to, if I had time to, if I had a personal chef and a personal trainer and if I had a hundred thousand for some elective surgeries. And why do I do this to myself??????
WAIT! I know why I do it, or at least some of it. It’s those freaking beauty ads. Wow, do they annoy me and also make me question my worth as a woman. Each morning as I am getting ready for work I typically turn on HGTV. It’s either Beachfront Bargain Hunt, Lakefront Bargain Hunt, Island Life, Caribbean Life, Hunting Vintage, or Ultimate Pools. Why I continue to do this to myself, I really don’t know. I glance at the shows as the primping for the day is occurring and realize I will never have a beachfront or lakefront home. I will never have my dream vintage home. I will never have an island or Caribbean life and I sure as hell will never have an ultimate pool. I know, I know – never say never. So I will say this. My chances of having any of the above are about the same as my chances of winning the lottery. Cause the only way I will get any of the above is if I win the lottery.
Sorry, I got off topic. Back to my morning watching HGTV. At approximately 6:55 AM each morning there is a very long infomercial that relates to beauty in some way. I must preface the forthcoming by saying I have no idea if I can get in any trouble by mentioning the products by name or the person representing the product by name. I apologize if this is a no no. Sue me if you must, but you will get nothing of value. I promise!
I will start with the first product that seemed to be on a daily rotation for months. Crepe Erase. This ad originally had Jane Seymour as the lead spokesperson. Jane was very convincing in making me realize that my skin is become similar to crepe paper. The new spokesperson is Dorothy Hamill. How can I not listen to Dorothy Hamill? I mean look at her. She is 61 and doesn’t have crepey skin on her arms, hands, knees or ankles. I”m not even 50 and I have crepey skin! And the reason Dorothy’s skin is so amazing is because Crepe Erase “is a treatment, not a moisturizer.” Then Melissa Gilbert tells me that she uses Crepe Erase and “the results were instant, they were palpable”. WHAT??? Instant results. Laura Ingles would not lie to me. And then add to that the everyday women who have had amazing results. They are telling me that using this product makes them feel youthful. I want to feel youthful!!!!!!
Smile Active is next on the infomercial rotation. Have you seen this? The results are amazing. And you just have to add it to your toothpaste. You brush your teeth anyway, so what’s the big deal about adding Smile Active? Teeth are three shades whiter in 7 days. One lady on the commercial said she can’t stop smiling because she is so happy with her teeth. I want to smile all the time with white teeth and be that happy!
Another favorite is Sub-D. This is used on the neck and decolletage area. It will give you youthful looking skin, firmer skin, a more defined chin and jaw line by minimizing the appearance of loose skin along chin, jawline, neck and decolletage. Am I the only one wondering if it will work on the loose skin around my belly from child birth? Maybe it will minimize my loose boob appearance. Looking at my profile I want a more defined chin and jaw line! I didn’t even realize my decolletage area needed firming, damn it!
Next up is Amla Glow. This is apparently the secret to facial rejuvenation by using the Indian Gooseberry in its formula. If the Indian Gooseberry can rejuvenate my face, I’ll plant it in my back yard and bathe in it! Note to self: find out if the Indian Gooseberry can grow in planting zone 6a/6b. I could probably sell it to my friends and neighbors, which will get my closer to my dream of having an island life!!!!
I will not win fans with the next product I want to talk about, but it is what it is. Meaningful Beauty by Cindy Crawford. Let me start by saying I think Cindy Crawford is gorgeous. I could only hope to look that good at the age of 50. Honestly, this is the one product I feel I need to purchase. There is apparently a melon that is grown in a very remote part of the South of France that defies the aging process of a melon. This melon is used in the product. Soooooooooo, if I go to a remote part of the South of France, find the melon, break it open, remove a few seeds, return home and plant the seeds – can I just throw some melon in my blender and smooth it over my face??? I do agree with a comment Cindy Crawford makes in this commercial. Something about every every woman wanting to feel beautiful and confident and that is what Meaningful Beauty does, makes you feel beautiful and confident. I want to feel beautiful and confident, but I want to feel that way because of who I am and what I am about, not because of the skincare line I use.
The last product I need to discuss is MagicBax. I will admit this was not a commercial I saw on HGTV in the morning. This was a commercial I saw at about 2AM when I couldn’t sleep and decided watching some meaningless TV would help bore me to sleep. Until I saw this commercial I had no idea I needed to be self conscious of my sagging earrings! Thank you early morning commercials for taking my already low self-esteem another step lower! MagicBax instantly lifts and supports my earrings so they aren’t sagging, which will make me feel more beautiful and confident. Can you believe it? I want my earrings to be supported and sit higher on my earlobe. It’s going to make me feel more beautiful and confident! FINALLY!
As if we don’t have enough around us making us feel inadequate, we have TV commercials to pick up the slack! My goal is to give someone a compliment everyday. I see beautiful women everyday. I admire a dress or their hair or maybe their make-up. I will tell them, in a non-creepy way. Everyone likes a compliment, no matter how small. I challenge you to make someone’s day. The lady you see at the coffee shop who always looks so put together, the woman at the grocery store with the three screaming kids who has an awesome haircut, or the young girl at the drive-thru who has a beautiful smile. Try it, you’ll like it!