So, it’s 10:00 AM. I have been at work since about 7:30 AM. I have checked my email. Nothing there for me to do. I put six bottles of water in the conference room refrigerator. I took two letters to the mailbox and put the flag up. There have been no phone calls to answer. I have heard one of the “professionals” in the office being passive aggressive and complaining about the temperature of the office (that person has a thermostat in their office). I know one female and two males have gone potty. I have shuffled and reshuffled the same papers around my desk about four times. I have organized the wheat thins that I am eating into pairs. I have hated myself 127,568 times for my many faults. I am currently considering getting more wheat thins to eat, because……………why not. If I do get more wheat thins, I will be able to hate myself like 54,789 more times before noon. At noon it’s lunch time. I have fresh, local black raspberries (my favorite) and vanilla Greek yogurt. Totally healthy and good for me. And as I eat that, I will PROMISE myself that this is it. This is the time I make the change. The time is now. Stop procrastinating and making excuses. How do I know that will happen? Because it happens every day, at least once a day. And then the rest of the day I eat my feelings, I eat my mistakes, I eat my unhappiness, I eat my loneliness, I eat my excuses, I eat my fear, I eat my inadequacies. I eat. The way I see my current situation, there is no reason not to eat. I find my comfort eating, I find a long-lost friend eating, I find my emotional support when I eat, I find everything I need when eat. Food isn’t going to leave me. I can’t disappoint food, I can’t hurt food. Food gives my fat suit. I have and will continue to pay dearly for that fat suit. It will help me shut people out, let people see what they want, let people think what they want. With my fat suit on, no one is going to get close enough to see the real me, to see the truth no one wants to see. And, so you are aware, I did not get more wheat thins to eat. I got goldfish. I ate them in pairs.
How do I...life? 