scaredconfusedterrified

We dance around the inevitable. It’s happening. It’s slowly and painfully happening. It’s unwinding around us. I have played my part, you have played yours. We are both liable for very different reasons. Blame will be placed, rocks will be thrown. I will take the brunt of it, that’s OK. I have a strong back. I have been carrying the weight for a very long time. I have caused you pain, just a different pain than you caused me. No one is innocent, just remember that.

We can’t continue to live in the dysfunctional discomfort. No one could, and no one should. If you had to chose, do you chose the discomfort that is comfortable and familiar or do you chose the unknown discomfort that is scary and new? It’s quite the choice I have presented, isn’t it? Do our worlds stop and end without “us” being “us”?

We always knew there were cracks in the foundation. Two very young people from dysfunctional families did the best they could with the tools they were given. The cracks continued. If we are honest, brutally honest, did we think we would really make it? And if you answered yes, I would like to know your reasons. I would like to know what you see differently

I can only speak for me. I will not speak for you. I have spoken for you for almost 30 years and you let me. Why did you let me? I just needed your words, YOUR MOTHERFUCKING WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! How many times have I asked, begged, pleaded for words? Words other than I don’t know. Because right now, in this moment I don’t know either. I just don’t know.

I know I will not go back to status quo. I can’t. We both want, need and deserve more out of life than simply existing.

Author: howdoilifeweb

Late 40's, wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend.

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