I can’t believe she did it to me again. I mean, I can. I suspected as much, or I wouldn’t have taken that drive yesterday. I had my suspicions; I didn’t want them to be true. But they are true. My girl is back with him. I probably started to get suspicious about a month ago. I am assuming she went to her therapy as she was supposed to, but I won’t be able to verify that until the health insurance claims start rolling in. And even then, I don’t know if I will be able to tell how many days she attended. I figured she was smart enough to not call him from the cell phone I pay for. I can, and do, check those records on a regular basis. But there are so many other ways for them to be in contact with each other.
She started to talk about old friends. Friends that I hadn’t heard about in at least a year or more. But I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. And I was happy she was hanging out with friends. She never brought the friends home, her excuse being the state of her room. Okay, I get that. But some of her old habits started to surface. Not calling or texting if she wasn’t coming home for the night. Not coming home after her therapy sessions were over. But, again, I wanted to support her. Make sure she knew how proud I was of her and that I knew she was struggling and hurting.
Her birthday was the end of June. I made sure everyone knew she needed gift cards. She has no job, her savings is depleted. Gift cards for gas, food, etc. Now I feel like I duped everyone. Did the gift cards get used on her or did they get used on him? Is she really that dumb? Not only that, but I have been paying half of her rent since May because she signed a lease with drippy dick and he threatened to sue her civilly if her half wasn’t paid. Four months of paying half his rent. Four months of paying her outrageously high car insurance (because she had so many violations.) Helping her with supplies for her cat, toiletries, the food she likes, a new mattress, new bedding. Putting things I wanted to do in my house on hold because she moved home and the room I was using as a storage room while renovating another room, she now occupies.
Oh, and I believe it was last week, she told me that one friend she talks about and supposedly was doing things with, had found an apartment with a boyfriend and they needed stuff for the apartment. When we moved her away from drippy dick, we took the plate set, pots/pans and microwave because I bought them. I scrubbed everything clean and packed them away in the event she ever needed them again. She asked if she could give the items to her friend because they were desperate for household items. Of course, I said yes. I’m now willing to bet my house that those items are back in the apartment with drippy dick.
And I can’t forget that I spent hours filling out her disability paperwork, because it was just so overwhelming for her. It is currently under medical review. I also applied for state health insurance for her. She told me that her therapist told her private insurance does not cover what state (basically welfare) health insurance covers. And, since I want her to stay in therapy and get all the help possible, I did all the work. She received her benefit card last week. She was supposed to take it along to therapy and find out what could be done. As of Friday, therapy was over for her.
I couldn’t sleep well Saturday into Sunday. I just had this feeling…………that feeling of something not being “right” with her. The feeling worked its way into every part of me. I decided mid-morning on Sunday that I needed to drive by the place drippy dick rents. I needed to see for myself. Was her car there, or wasn’t it? I realize there are many different scenarios that could have happened. But only one happened. Her car was there. AND IT FUCKING KILLED ME. I took a picture, so I had my proof. I felt like I was going to throw up. All the hope I had was gone for my girl. I am still numb. I still can’t believe it; I don’t want to believe it. I saw it. No matter what her excuse is, I saw it. I am starting to get pissed off and very angry.
Now the question is, what do I do? She came home Sunday early evening because the family was getting together for my mom’s (her grandmother’s) birthday Sunday evening. I was cool towards her, but we all know I can act like a Tony award winning actress. She tried to talk about therapy. She was very loud, and I think was doing it so everyone could hear her and maybe pity her or something. I told her to stop talking about it and it could be discussed later. She left earlier than anyone else with the excuse she was going to her friend’s house. She never came home last night, never sent a message or called. As of right now, she still isn’t home. She is once again treating my home like a Holiday Inn. She has the bathroom and her room destroyed, again.
It’s time. I know it’s time. It will probably be the single hardest thing I have done as a parent up until this point. I need to kick her out and that’s it. No more bills paid for her. I have to stop. She obviously didn’t hit rock bottom like I thought. I hate to see what rock bottom is for her.
2 thoughts on “It has to end”
Yes. It’s hard-horrible, actually. I know because I had to do it, too. There are nights when I hate myself. I used to pray for my son several times a day. But I ended up basically where you are-so I stopped talking to God. I took my anger out in Him, not him-where it belongs. It still hurts. I hear from him a couple of times a year. But I finally learned that all my help, money and prayers were not going to change the way he wanted to live. The only advice I gave would be to say: “You win. I can’t continue to watch you self-destruct. I can’t financially support your lifestyle and prepare for my own future as I grow older. While it’s my decision to stop trying to rescue you, it’s always been your choices that have failed us both. I love you, I will always love you. But I’m done. Good luck.” And when (not if, when) she calls in absolutely desperate need in about 4-6 weeks, you have to say that you’re very sorry for this latest dilemma, but there’s nothing-NOTHING-you can do. You need to clear your conscience and accept the things you cannot change.
BTW-my son is still a mess. But he has stopped blaming me for not doing “enough” for him. He has figured out that I am not a bottomless pit of money.