control

Monday morning I got a call from my girl. She was in crisis mode. She didn’t want to live. She couldn’t take the mental pain of the last few days and she knew she needed help or she wouldn’t make it.

We took her to the same facility where she checked herself into almost a year ago. She went through the assessment and was deemed worthy of being a patient.

My girl called me a few times on Monday, but she also called drippy. Drippy told her he was at the courthouse for the charges filed against him and told her a few lies about the charges and what would be happening. He also blamed her for him having to now hire an attorney to help him fight the charges. I was not happy that she called him. The person who physically abused her and choked her. She asked me about the things he said and I cleared up what I could. I am familiar with the criminal justice system and most of what he told her were lies.

I didn’t hear from her at all on Tuesday during the day. This was very odd to me. Previously, she called me four or five times a day. By 7PM Tuesday evening I called the facility and spoke to her. She said she was busy all day and the phones were tied up, but she was doing alright. Not great, but alright. I accepted that. I was glad she was doing well enough and didn’t feel the need to call me as much.

This morning (Wednesday), I received a call from the social worker assigned to my girl. She happened to be the same one that my girl had the last time. She wanted to touch base about my concerns or questions about my girl. I obviously told her my biggest concern was drippy and the abuse situation. The social worker was aware of the situation, but my girl wasn’t willing to give her a lot of information and shut down when the topic was mentioned. The social worker told me that my girl would possibly be released on Friday and that we had to have plans in place for follow-up care and therapy. I told the social worker about the places I had researched, and unfortunately in this insurance/money based health care world, she is pushing a treatment facility that is affiliated with the short term care facility. It is not a good place, but there might not be other options.

Tonight was a visitation night. Myself, my husband, my son and daughter-in-law went to visit. Only two people are allowed to visit at one time so my son and daughter-in-law went in first and then my husband and I. When my son and daughter-in-law came out they said she seemed good. I was hopeful. When she saw me, she jumped in my arms and hugged me, really hugged me. Of course she did the same to her dad. We sat down to chat. I asked about her finger, told her she didn’t look quite as tired. She told us about a medication she was put on and how that was making her feel. We talked about the options of therapy when she is released. I asked the general question of how everything else is going and she immediately told us that she had to go to court for drippy. That she was going to be subpoenaed to testify on his behalf. I asked how she found that out and of course it’s because she is calling him from the facility. She is also apparently calling his mom, and his mom is telling my girl how drippy is going to get therapy and things will be perfect. I expressed, very calmly I might add, that I didn’t feel that it was a good plan to continue the contact with him while she is trying to mentally and physically heal. She then told me that someone that works at the facility also has BPD and my girl has talked to her about the drippy situation. According to my girl, this person said there is no reason that drippy can’t be in my girls life and they can continue their relationship……………..WTF? What am I not getting? Is my girl hearing what she wants to hear or is this actually being said. She was now going into shut down. She acknowledged that she doesn’t know what she should do and maybe she should just stay in “this fucking place forever.” That tells me she is no where close to being ready to be released for her own good. I asked her thoughts about going to a place out of state. Nope, she is not going out of state. However, after the abuse incident she wanted to get away. But he again has his fingers in her brain and is manipulating her once again. Is she allowing it? Yes, she is. Does she realize it? I don’t honestly know. He has her so brainwashed that I don’t know if it’s the disorder causing it or he is truly that talented at manipulation. It was time for visiting to end. She was upset and crying when we left and she promised me she would call me. No call as of yet. That was almost two hours ago.

I called her social worker and left a message about our visitation and all my concerns. I’m sure it sounds like a rambling bunch of nonsense, but that’s where I’m at. My ability to process much more is limited at best.

In my heart – at this time – I truly feel she will go back to him and either he will take her life or she will take her own life.

I will fight with all that I have to save my girl, my beautiful baby girl.

Shattered

I feel like I have been sitting here staring at the computer screen for hours. Trying to find the words to describe what I am feeling. I am at a loss. One of my worst fears has come true.

It all started Thursday afternoon. I was at work, actually in the middle of a webinar with my boss. The phone rang and it was my girl. I was immediately on high alert because I didn’t recognize the number showing on caller ID. She was crying and obviously upset. She asked if I could meet her at home in about an hour. Of course I said yes and I asked about the number she was calling from. She said she didn’t have her phone, but she would be home in an hour. She hung up.

I left work and headed home. My mind was racing. Now what? I got home and sent her a message on Facebook, not knowing if she had access to her messenger or not. I asked her if she was hurt. She sent a text message back saying “mentally”. A few minutes later she sent a text saying “physically”. I asked “did he lay his hands on you?” Her response “Not necessarily. I fell down the stops. My finger hurts. Might be jammed or something. I tripped over a bunch of crap trying to leave his room and fell over everything possible and fell into the wall and hit my eye.” Yes, I’m sure anyone reading had the same reaction as me – BULLSHIT.

My middle son happened to be home from work and came to the house to be there with me when she got home. My husband was not able to get to the house in time. I had no idea who was bringing her home. I assumed it would not be drippy dick since obviously they had some type of fight. I’ll be damned if it wasn’t him that drove up to the house. She was in the backseat, he was driving. My son went outside to make sure my girl got into the house safely. I saw her getting out of the back, red puffy eyes, crying, grabbing all her stuff. I saw drippy trying to get out of the car and my son holding the door shut so he couldn’t get out. I stepped outside to make sure nothing happened between my son and drippy. We eventually get my girl inside and drippy leaves.

My girl was just completely distraught. Sobbing, gasping for breath, basically a panic attack. When she could, she told us they had a fight, she tripped on stuff in his room, fell into a wall and then fell down the stairs. Her index finger on her left hand was swollen and black and blue. Her right eye was red and you could see the start of a bruising. I probed as gently as possible about the injuries and how they were sustained. She insisted drippy did not touch her. I had contacted a very close friend and someone I work with to talk to my girl. This person is familiar with domestic violence and I felt would give my girl some insight and be able to remain even tempered. My girl was very receptive to all that was said. She said she was at the point where she wanted help for her disorder and would like to go to a place I had found. It is in Boston, is only for women and is a two week in-patient treatment center for Borderline Personality Disorder. It helps patients regain control and gets them ready for the actual DBT treatment when they leave.

While we were talking, I noticed two police cruisers in front of our house. This was odd. They came to the door and asked to talk to my girl. She freaked. They said they were asked by another police department to stop by and make sure my girl was okay and get her contact information so an officer could call and talk to her. Come to find out that while drippy was driving my girl home, he pulled into a fast food place and told her to get out of his car. She did. She went inside with her stuff, sat down and asked the manager if she could charge her phone (he gave her the phone at some point) so she could call for a ride. The manager could obviously see she was upset and told her that was fine. Drippy comes into the place screaming and yelling at her, telling her to get in the car because he will take her home. The manager tells him to leave. I can only imagine how much of an ass drippy was. While drippy is outside the place he yells that he is going to come back later and shoot the place up. I am fairly certain there was more than just that said by drippy, but I don’t need to know. In order to diffuse the situation, my girl leaves the fast food place and gets back in the car. Drippy does bring her home. But now she is just over the edge. The sight of the officers threw her into a true panic attack. It took some time, but she eventually calmed down. I don’t think her body had the strength to continue.

My girl took a shower, and we got a small bit of food in her. This was in the midst of sobbing. I took her to get her finger checked. It was fractured and needed to be splinted. At some point we all went to bed, not that anyone really slept.

I stayed home Friday to be with my girl. We called the place in Boston to start the process, only to find out there is an 8 week waiting list. This sends her into a tailspin. She had her mind made up she wanted to go and she wanted to go now. I eventually get her to agree to see a general therapist for the time being and hope she will get in before 8 weeks.

We continued talking throughout the morning. Again, I can only push so hard and far or she will shut down. At one point she said “I might as well tell you what really happened. He did touch me.” I almost threw up. She said they had been fighting and she needed to leave. She was shoving stuff into her bag and was kneeling on the floor. He walked by her and basically hip-checked her, knocking her down. This infuriated her more and she continued to yell at him. At one point he pushed her into a wall, causing the black eye. He then sat on her chest (she is tiny), making it difficult for her to breath and then choked her until she was close to blacking out and kicked her while she was down on the floor. When she got him off of her, she grabbed her stuff and ran down the stairs. She said she did fall down the steps because she was going so fast. She got outside, had her bags, but not her phone. He wouldn’t give her the phone. So she approached some random stranger and asked to use his phone, which he allowed. This is the phone call I received at work. Why drippy ended up driving her home I don’t understand. I do know through talking to my girl, he was controlling every aspect of her life, he was manipulative and used her disorder against her.

Drippy started contacting her Friday. He told her he was being charged for the incident at the fast food place and it was all her fault. I checked court records and found he was charged with Terroristic Threats, a felony and a misdemeanor Disorderly Conduct charge. Oh, I almost forgot. My girl also told me drippy had a gun. That scares me more than I can tell you. As of this post, drippy has still not been picked up on the charges.

After finding out the information about drippy assaulting my girl, I started the conversation of filing charges and obtaining a Protection from Abuse order. She agreed. I got her in the car and headed to pick my husband up at work to go with us. While we were driving she answered a call from drippy. She kept saying what he did wasn’t right. You don’t choke someone you love. That he should turn himself in and face what he has coming. By the end of their conversation she had shut down. She said she couldn’t handle pressing charges or applying for the PFA and she just wanted to go home. So we turned around and came home. We are still trying to get her to reconsider.

My girl is still very confused and lost. But she is home. I will take that for the time being.